“When someone dies, what can I say or do that’s helpful?”

I hear that question all the time. And, as a hospital chaplain, I offer answers. (I even wrote a book about it.)

But I want to know more about what actually helps. I’m asking people what they found helpful. And I’m gathering a bunch of those stories as a way of saying, “Here’s what our stories together say.”

I’m pretty convinced that people are different. And situations are different. And knowing about those differences can help us be helpful. Especially at really hard times.

Next Survey (Please take): Being helpful in the loss of a friend.

Support for times of loss: Some resources already available

• Thirty-one things to say and do to help someone when their loved one has died (other than sending flowers.) 

About me: I’m a PhD in rhetoric, a hospital chaplain, and a research consultant. And I run.

The blog: research notes and progress

• Being helpful in loss: a research report – as of 12/14/2022, this is a summary of the first phase of the research in two pages.
• What do I do when someone loses a loved one: a research update.
• What people say when you ask what they wish others had done or said – a research note
• A research summary as of 11/2/2022

Research updates: Subscribe to the “Finding words in hard times” newsletter.

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