Category: helpful
-
Words from family and friends (Eulogies)
Eulogy means “good words”. And this is the place in a gathering for people to talk about the life and meaning of the person who has died. There is no one way to do this. In one case, the person had four children and several grandchildren. One grandchild from each of the four families spoke.…
-
10 books to help you help people in illness and loss.
The other day, someone on Twitter wrote to tell me that he shares “This is Hard” with people and asked, “What other books for chaplains do you recommend?” That’s a question for more that 140 characters. So I promised that I would write this post. I’m going to establish my own parameters for the list:…
-
“My friend died. This is hard, too.” Time to fill a research gap.
“I’m really curious about being helpful in the loss of a friend.“ +++ Even the best designed research has gaps. One major bereavement research project wanted to know who people turn to most for support. They prepared questionnaires and had research packets sent out by funeral homes to people who had lost loved ones six to twenty-four…
-
Offering eulogies to the living.
After you walk out of the room after a vent withdrawal (or terminal wean or allowing natural death), the room gets pretty quiet. At one room, while the family was waiting for their matriarch to pass,she actually kicked them out of her room. Twice.Someone was by her bed, stroking her arm: “Quit petting me,”Her family…
-
Why it is so confusing sometimes.
People in public have medical crises. So do people in private. Immediately, other people begin offering explanations, or anecdotes from their own experience. Then, as a little more information is released, words minimize or amplify the seriousness of the crisis. On the same day, I watched a person at work receiving chest compressions and I…
-
Telling stories is helpful in times of loss.
When I asked people who lost a loved one what they wish people had said or done, about a third talked about story-telling. Not us telling our story of loss and how we survived. The stories of their loved one. Sometimes people want to be asked about their loved one. Sometimes people want to hear…
-
Grieving during the holidays
One Christmas, Nancy and I gave small gifts to my family. They were the tiny-size baby food jars with a little note in each one, letting people know that the following Christmas a baby would be joining the celebration. We laughed, and we cried a little. Kathryn Anne was born in late July after those…
-
How to get ready to be helpful.
I started this project to give us (me) some solid research about what people (you and me) find helpful when facing loss. And I’m working on learning models of grief that take us beyond the idea of stages of grief. But it’s easy for me to get lost in the thinking, in getting the research…
-
A letter to friends in time of loss.
I’m guessing, though I may be wrong, that you are getting weary of people asking questions and telling you they are sorry. It’s why Nora McInerny’s podcast is called, “Terrible (thanks for asking.)” Which is a perfectly acceptable thing to say. Because, of course, we often are asking you questions to make ourselves feel better…
-
Refusing to let people grieve-lit review
From Emily P Freeman, The Next Right Thing, 37-38. Grand Rapids: Revell, 2019. +++ When we’re in the midst of difficult times, not everyone responds as the Writebols did, at least not at first. As people who put their trust in Jesus, sometimes we don’t know what to say when we see someone going through…
Being Helpful in Loss 