“This is hard.”
Looking online for grief resources means that something hard has happened in your life or the life of someone you care about.
This online grief packet will give you links to resources and explanations you may need in the days and weeks after a loss.
If you have questions or suggestions, use the comment form.
Resources for finding a funeral home and making plans
Resources following infant loss
Resources for grieving children
What do other people say about their own grief (particularly after losing a spouse)?
Finding a Funeral Home and Making Plans
A funeral home will help you make arrangements for your loved one’s remains, plan any services or gatherings, and answer questions about next steps with notifications (e.g. insurance, social security).
Finding a funeral home is challenging if you’ve never done it.
- Think about where you want to have the burial or any gatherings.
- Think about what funeral homes friends or family have used.
- Think about what funeral homes are in your community.
- Parting.com is an online search resource. (Here’s how to use parting.com)
Here’s a worksheet (Planning a service) to review and then take with you for your meeting at the funeral home. It will help you gather your thoughts for some of the questions they will ask.
Resources following infant loss
Photography
Providing the gift of remembrance portraits to parents experiencing the death of a baby.
Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep | Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep
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Financial support for funeral expenses (Northern Indiana)
Remembering Rowan is a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization that exists to serve bereaved families in Indiana that have experienced a miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss by providing financial assistance with funeral costs and medical expenses.
Resources for grieving children
The National Alliance for Children’s Grief is a national organization of professionals dedicated to supporting children and the networks and communities surrounding them. NACG
The Dougy Center for Grieving Children has resources for grieving children AND resources and training for helpers. The Dougy Center for Grieving Children & Families | Portland, OR
Whether you’re grieving, or you’re helping someone who is grieving, Dougy Center is here for you. Find tip sheets, activities, podcasts, and more through our personalized toolkits.
Erin’s house for grieving children – Erin’s House provides support for children, teens, and their families who have experienced a death.
Erin’s House for Grieving Children – Fort Wayne, IN (erinshouse.org)
Books:
Kristen and Patrick Riecke draw on their own experience and their work with parents to offer support and explanation and encouragement in No Matter How Small: Understanding Miscarriage and Stillbirth. (2020).
Resources for grief support
GriefShare (national) GriefShare – Grief Recovery Support Groups – GriefShare
Parkview Hospice Grief and Bereavement | Parkview Health
The Peggy F. Murphy Community Grief Center is a resource for the greater Fort Wayne community as it provides space for individual grief counseling sessions, grief programming, and grief support group meetings for adults who have experienced the loss of a loved one.
Grief Support Overview – Stillwater Hospice (stillwater-hospice.org)
What do other people say about their own grief (particularly after losing a spouse)?
“Surprised by Grief” with Clarissa Moll and Daniel Harrell. Each of the hosts of this podcast lost a spouse in 2019. Clarissa’s husband, Rob, died in a climbing accident. Daniel’s wife died with pancreatic cancer. But these two had already thought about life and death more than most people. Rob wrote a book, The Art of Dying, several years before his death, and Daniel was working as a pastor. They talk about their own experiences and the work they are doing with others and invite us into the conversation. The content is often hard, but listening to them interact is remarkably helpful.
Clarissa Moll brings us a thoughtful, practical account of grief, drawing from her own experience as a self-described young widow in Beyond the Darkness: A Gentle Guide for Living with Grief and Thriving after Loss.
Her personification of grief as someone that comes to live with you is, for me, the most compelling concept. Sometimes as an unwanted but inevitable house guest, sometimes as a toddler maturing. Then she talks about five dimensions of loss: physical, practical, emotional, spiritual, and parental. She writes about what happens when the grief isn’t new. She talks to the church about how hard going to church can be after a loss. Read my review.
Nora McIerney, We don’t “move on” from grief. We move forward with it, TED, 4/9/2019. In a few weeks, Nora McIerney lost her dad, her husband, and her unborn child. She writes and podcasts about grief, loss, and living. This video is key to understanding the idea of moving forward.
C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed. HarperOne, 2009. With a foreword by Madeleine L’Engle. C.S. Lewis is known for writing about faith and about Narnia. This is like reading a journal in the days after his wife’s death. It captures the waves of grief. The foreword by Madeleine, also a writer, talks about the loss of her husband, and illustrates that each loss is different.
What if I’m mad at God?
In Don’t You Care That We Are Drowning? (And Other Unexpected Prayers), Brian Spahr shares the unexpected prayers of people who cry out to God amid their struggle and suffering and loss.
In How to Talk with Sick, Dying, and Grieving People: When There Are No Magic Words to Say, Patrick Riecke addresses many of the really hard questions we have in grief.
FAQ
How do I get a death certificate?
The funeral home will arrange for you to get the death certificate in most cases. If you need additional copies of the death certificate, contact the county or the state where the person died.
How do I write a eulogy?
What if they said they didn’t want a funeral and I want to do something?
Consider what the person wanted, but also consider what you need.
What about donating a body to science?
What’s the difference between a funeral, a memorial service, a celebration of life?
How do I pay for the funeral?
In Indiana, the township trustee may be able to help if there are no resources from the person or from the family. Start with the township where the person lived.
If the person is a veteran of the US Military, there may be a Veterans Burial Allowance.
Some people are using Gofundme for funerals.
Being Helpful in Loss 